I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
