Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize