thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
