No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
