Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
