your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
