We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
nutella sex= disaster
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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