You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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