I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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