OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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