I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
