I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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