she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
