I bet he comes in French.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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