my soul wont recognize me after tonight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
