He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
