Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
