This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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