Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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