Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
