i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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