I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
