I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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