I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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