You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
