Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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