That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
