Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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