She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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