So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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