i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
