I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
