I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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