True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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