I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
