Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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