I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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