i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize