If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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