I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
