she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
