I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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