I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
