he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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