idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
