I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This is my gift to your gina
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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