Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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