I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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