i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
