She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize