Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
