proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
