My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
