this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
