you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have post one night stand depression
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
