dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
