At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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