Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
