you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
