dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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