Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
