ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
