I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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