she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
