I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
