waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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