My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
