You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
