it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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